There are days where I vacuum 3 times and still feel goldfish remnants under my feet. Sometimes I wonder if there will ever be a day that goes by when the washing machine isn’t used at least once. There are days when the TV is on for more hours than not, and times when I make it to the gym but my youngest decides she does not want me to work out that day. Some days the Keurig is on from dawn till dusk because the looming necessity of caffeine is just a meltdown away. There are days when I feel completely defeated, like my only accomplishment was keeping up with cleaning mess after mess. Some days I tell my husband, go ahead and schedule that vasectomy.
But there are also days I feel like a rockstar mom. Charley will say something hilarious and original like “Jesus is from California" and I think, what an awesome person you are turning out to be. Maddy will say "I love you mama” in her sweet little not-yet-two-year-old accent and my heart bursts into a million pieces. When they play well together, I know we’re doing something right. A family friend will say how well-behaved my kids are and I am overcome with pride. A random stranger in the park or grocery store will tell me I seem like a great mom and I feel invincible as a parent. The inexplicable joy felt when watching my daughters’ wonder and enthusiasm for life far outweighs any of the overwhelmingly exhausting days.
There will be days when my floors are clean and my appliances are without sticky handprints. I won’t discover all kinds of surprises in between the couch cushions. My google searches won't consist of "how to remove a bead from nostril" or "how to get pen of suede couch." I won’t struggle with getting them into their carseats and the constant feeling like I am forgetting something won’t wrack my brain. We will be able to travel without looking like we are moving away permanently, and public bathroom trips won’t require at least five minutes of pre-planning and ninja-like moves. I’m not sure what my countertop will look like without the perpetual bottle and sippy cup drying station. What will I do with all that space??
So a spotlessly clean house can wait. There will be a day when the house will be quiet and boring. That cheerio cemetery within the couch cushions will be gone, and the playroom will transform into something else. You will be able to sell your stock in Children's Benadryl and Kleen-ex. The white noise will not echo over the monitor at night, and you won't be awakened by somebody's need to be comforted after her nightmare. So for now, embrace the noise, the dirt, the toys, the chaos. Someday you will look back and give anything for one more day when all you had to do was play.